Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/clean-up-on-aisle-4-2025

Too often I've been accused of making you readers hungry with my steady parade of candy-coated misspellings and butchered bakery goods.

Well, NO MORE!

Or at least not for today.

Here, I'll ease you in slowly, in case you're mid coffee-sip:

This is your spleen...or possibly a giant tumor...on cupcakes.

 Any questions?

 

I've been told there are no accidents in life; only learning experiences.  If that's true, then we're all about to learn something very important:

Some bakers get sick if you feed them too many mini-marshmallows.

Also, we're not hungry. No, none of us. Now go away. Shoo.

 

Before you ask, this "cake" was being served at a buffet restaurant, and no, that's not mold:

It just looks like mold. Thereby saving the establishment literally dozens of dollars in their dessert budget, I'm sure. (Reminds me of the restaurant with candy sprinkles on their sushi rolls. Hey... do you think it's the same place?)

 

I'm not really sure what's happening in there, but it's a safe bet you're not getting your little plastic purse back.

 

The tag on this next one says, "Freshly made in store by our bakers."

And thank goodness for that! There's just nothing worse than stale vomit from some factory, am I right?

Also...are those...olives?  (Deep breaths, Jen...deep...breaths...)

 

Baker by day, retirement-center barber by night?

EWWWWWWW.

Ok, I just made MYSELF gag. Urg. And no, I don't know what the "hair" is really. Let's just try not to think about it too hard, okay?

Hey, now, WHAT DID I JUST SAY?

 Ah, well, don't worry. Someone'll just stick that on the clearance rack later.

You know, once it cools.

 

Thanks to  Rob A., Emily F., Dani S., Andrea & Anne Marie, Mim & Vince, Lisa D., & Regina G. for the uplifting chucking experience. Who's hungry now, bee-yotches? HUH?

*****

For some reason this post is just calling out for butt-themed home decor, don't you agree?

2-Sided Bathroom Decor Box

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/clean-up-on-aisle-4-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/beware-the-con-rats-2025

Summer is the reward students get for successfully completing another year of educational excellence. Or for partying all year and flunking out. (Nobody said life was fair, kids.)

So while graduation season may be over, I think it's time our bakers had a little summer schoolin'.

 

Bakers? Welcome to "How-To-Spell-'Congratulations'-101."

I can see it's going to be a long day.

 

Alright, let's practice: C-O-N-G-R-A-T-U-L-A-T-I-O-N-S. See? Now you try.

I dare you to read that aloud.

("Comgratatum?")

 

Try again.

G, you shouldn't have.

No, really.
 

And don't think I'm not on to your latest scheme, bakers. You know, the one where you just pipe a heap of scribbles halfway through the word and hope no one notices?

Cheater.

The best part is how you can still clearly see those last two are misspelled. Next time just chuck some High School Musical flotsam on there.

 

At this point, even I have forgotten how to spell it. I would "COHGRADULITTE" you, bakers, but I don't think I can handle that level of irony.

 

Let's try a new approach: just shorten it to "Congrats!" That's easy enough, right?

*sigh*

What is wrong with you people?

 

For a wild, hopeful second there I thought this had something to do with comic conventions starting up week:

"Watch out for those Con Rats!"

...but then I realized I it was a different kind of "con." Rats.

Well, you've all failed the course, bakers. So, hey, get out there and continue collecting a paycheck for brutalizing the English language! Woo! Yeah!

Oh, and kids? Stay in school. Or don't.
Honestly, your bakery manager probably won't give a con rat's @ss.

 

Thanks to Nancy H., Jessica E., Julia L., Michelle W., Meghan H., Amanda N., Julie D., Elizabeth B., & Bailey for the pep talk!

*****

P.S. Here's a (hilarious) reminder that English is almost as confusing as these cakes:

P Is for Pterodactyl: The Worst Alphabet Book Ever

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/beware-the-con-rats-2025

Posted by Lindsey

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-cest-bon-2025

Bonjour, mon amis! Today's sweets are mostly inspired by Marie Antoinette, so you know what that means: Prepare your eyeballs for an over-the-top feast of excessiveness!

(And no, we won't be having any gruesome headless sweets commemorating Marie's rather gruesome end. Sheesh. Get your mind out of the guillotine.)

Yep, it's all decadence and girliness from here on out! And yay for that, because have I mentioned I've been helping my husband Matt at football camp all week? Yes, I've been sharing a house with 25 teenage boys for the last five days. I could use a little girliness up in here.

 

Fortunately this first beauty is a sight for my pink-deprived eyes:

By Cakes By Tess

And how appropriate that it includes a fabulous fondant fan, because I'm already feeling the need to fan myself!

[Swoon!] Such loveliness!

 

And here's the lady of the hour herself...

By CakeCentral member Lindasuus

...sweetly putting to shame every Barbie-torso-stuffed-in-a-cake ever made.

 

This one is so absolutely flawless and stunning, I'm convinced it doesn't really exist.

By Cake Coquette (More detail shots at the link)

We've all just collectively dreamed it or something. (We have excellent imaginary taste, you and I!)

 

Now here's a solution to that pesky problem of how to hide plastic cake pillars: Simply pipe a decorative cage of icing between the tiers for an elaborate camouflaging exoskeleton of awesomeness!

By Edible Art by Kate

Er, on second thought, you might want to just leave that to the pros.

 

I thought this Fabergé Egg cake was a winner on its own ... (Seriously, doesn't it look like a 1st place trophy to you? Or is that the football camp talking?)

...but then I scrolled down and realized the egg was only one quarter of the whole cake!

By Fire and Icing

Wow. The layers look like carved marble or porcelain, and I love those unique shapes, too. It's hard to believe the tiers wouldn't shatter when you went to cut a slice!

 

I think more food should be adorned with edible pink tassels, don't you?

By Deborah Hwang Cakes

I love this color scheme so much; fun, flirty, and fit for a queen. I bet ol' M.A. would lose her head over it!

 

Oooh, sorry Marie. Too soon?

Submitted by Anne Marie B. and made by Rosey Confectionary Sugar Art

Oh, don't stare at me with that doleful expression. Turn your attention instead to the amazing miniature dessert table in your boudoir. And hey, is that rug edible too? Incredible.

 

Here comes another amazing egg cake. I'm not really sure if fancy eggs are a Marie Antoinette thing, but they're both similarly lavish, so it works for me.

By Cakes Du Soleil

Just gorgeous. If I was serving this cake, I don't think I'd let them eat it, youknowwhatI'msayin?
(Like "Let them eat cake?" Marie's famous line? You know? Yes? Never mind.)

 

This is probably my favorite cake today:

Submitted by Devon C; by Cake Opera Co.

I thought it was Marie masquerading as a... um... masquerader, while holding a kangaroo for fun, but the website informs me that this is actually an 18th century French figurine, masked to conceal her illicit rendezvous, and juxtaposed by the fawn in her arms meant to represent birth and innocence.

So, I was close.

 

All of these fanciful confections make me want to host a Marie Antoinette party! How about you? Here's a checklist of everything we need:

By Cakes by Erin

Powdered wigs, macarons, frilly shoes, masks, more fancy eggs (I guess they really are a thing) tiny top hats, (pretty sure that's NOT a thing, but I'll go with it), and of course, cake!

 

Does this cake remind you of a hot-air balloon, too?

Submitted by Promise W. and made by Ganache Patisserie

And did you know that the first manned hot-air balloon ride took place in front of Marie Antoinette and the French court? And that it was "manned" by a sheep, a rooster, and a duck?

True story.

Here's another one: this cake is fantastic! Do you see the little movie-scene applique? Too cool.

 

I'm not sure how inspired by Marie Antoinette this final cake is, but it's incredible. At over three feet tall and almost two feet wide, I'm pretty sure this is the cake they serve you when you die and go to heaven:

By Sweet Thing Black Orchid

Oh, wait. Actually this is the signature cake for the Hilton Hotel in Silver Spring. Which, after a week at football camp, sounds enough like heaven to me.

Happy Sunday!

*****

If today's Sweets are right up your style alley, then I have JUST the tea for you:

Nina's Marie Antoinette Tea

This blend is made in France using the roses and apples grown in the Versailles palace garden. Omigosh! If that's not tea fit for royal-tea, I don't know what is. Plus it comes in that gorgeous pink tin. Talk about a perfect gift for any tea-lover.
******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-cest-bon-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/the-futures-so-brite-2025

With graduation season over, you might be tempted to revel in the heady hopes of a brighter tomorrow, what with all these freshly educated, newly degreed youngins descending upon our workforce and all.

I'm here to fix all that.

This cake was supposed to say - I kid you not - "It's a girl."

That apostrophe placement will be haunting my dreams tonight.

Of course, it's also possible to get the spelling and punctuation perfect, while still completely missing the point:

Granted, this could be a "he said, she said" issue.

Hey, remember when preschoolers were taught to put the square blocks in the square holes, and the round blocks in the round holes?

Do they not do that anymore?

For some reason I'm getting the feeling this is supposed to be a base"ball." Odd.

And remember that toy with the pull string that told you what the dog says?

Do they not have those anymore, either?

Wait. Is that a cat?

Ok, now I'm really confused.

Still, I guess we can take comfort in knowing that these wreckerators won't always be wreckerators:

Eventually they'll get promoted to management.

Thanks to Becky A., Jane R., Stacey S., Jennifer V., & Alissa P., who want to ask that employee in the background, "Hey, why the long face?"

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/the-futures-so-brite-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/meanwhile-at-the-unintentionally-erotic-bakery-part-1-2025

"Deb, you've outdone yourself!"

"Aww, thanks, Pat!"

"So, what do you call it?"

"Well, with all the candied cherries on there, I'm thinking...'THE CHERRY POPPIN' CANDY CASTLE!' What do you think?"

"I like it."

"AND, we can throw in a half dozen 'Tunnel of Love' cookies with each order!"

"Oooh, good idea! Especially since no one but those college guys will buy any."

"Yeah...I guess the extra icing must be turning people off - too many calories. Remember how that lady said they weren't family-friendly?"

"That was kind of weird. Must be one of those health nuts."

"Aw, you know how it is. People are so paranoid about what they put in their mouths these days."

 

Thanks to Anony M. & Christina P. for the great spread.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/meanwhile-at-the-unintentionally-erotic-bakery-part-1-2025

Posted by Lindsey

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-goes-to-the-beach-2025

There's 104 days of summer vacation
And school comes along just to end it
So the annual problem for our generation
Is finding a good way to spennnnd it...

By The Uncommon Cakery

And what better place to spend your summer vacation than at the beach? Phineas and Ferb obviously agree, and who can argue with those guys?

 

So snap open your lounge chairs and get ready to enjoy today's beachy-keen sweets. Starting with this lovely:

By The Cake Zone

Ahhh. I actually feel more relaxed just looking at this. How people can bring themselves to eat these exquisite creations, I'll never undersand.

 

And you're going to love this collection of underwater friends...

By amateur baker Kristina H.

and anemones.

 

Let's all wave hello to this next one...

Submitted by Pearl H.and made by *JNFerrigno

'cuz I hear it brings good tidings!

(Ok, ok, I'm sorry about all the beach puns. No matter what I do they just keep rolling in. But seriously, isn't this cake swell?)

 

Now here's a tasteful take on a beach-themed wedding cake:

By Sheryl Brou

I love that they didn't go overboard.
(Sea what I did there?)

(Ugh, I'm sorry! I'm even annoying myself now. I'll try to reel it in.)

 

Here's a sweet little seahorse. I think it's totally cute:

By Courtney's Cakes

Water you thinking a boat it?

 

Sorry! I can't help it. I'll just go with the flow.

By Cakery Creation

Like the tiny pearl bubbles floating along the gentle waves of this cake. Simply buoy-tiful.

 

And I love the graduating colors of fondant here, and the dusting of "sand:"

By Diane's Sweet Treats

Tangent time: I once had a good friend who enjoyed eating actual sand. Turns out she was deficient in some essential mineral. Which was a relief, since we were about to take her to the lagoony bin.

 

It's a shore bet she would have loved this sand castle cake though:

By Creative Mom-2-Five

The "sand" is crushed Nilla wafers, should you care to recreate this look for yourself or a loved one who does not enjoy eating actual sand.

 

There's so much goodness in this next sandy scene, how shell I ever pick a favorite?

I love the pinwheels and the tiny picnic in the corner.

By Cakes by Samantha

Oh, and the embossed pattern on the mini tablecloth! Great little detail.

 

This final cake is so incredible and realistic you'll swear it's alive. I squid you not.

By Avalon Cakes

Wow, that sucker is beautiful!
(Specifically, the third one from the bottom.)

Whale, I hope you got your fill of beach-themed sweets (and puns) today. I'm sure you're clamoring for more, but that should tide you over for a while!

 

Happy Sunday!

*****

P.S. If you actually go to the beach, then clearly you need a mesh tote bag that's in such high demand they couldn't even get one for the photoshoot, and had to photoshop it in (badly) later:

Oversized Mesh Beach Bag

Oh yeah, bad Photoshop is how you know it's good. Well, that, and the 2,000+ 5-star ratings. Turns out this thing is actually pretty awesome, and also comes in blue, gray, or white. Grab yours before the manufacturer tries to snatch it up for another photoshoot.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-goes-to-the-beach-2025