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Confessions Of A Master Baker
Jun. 5th, 2026 01:00 pm![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png){kind=small}
cakewrecks_feedWelcome to another installment of...
Confessions of a Master Baker!
"Ordinary bakers. Extraordinary feats of bad judgment."
[baker's silhouette speaking in disguised voice]
"I guess I got a bit carried away with the chocolate drizzle -- you know, it's always a bit of a crap shoot..."
"I made my mother-in-law deliver it."
[whispered]
Confessions...
"...and then I found myself smashing a disco ball on top of it."
[small sob] "I figured the lights would blind anyone who got too close!"
[whispered]
Revelations...
"They loved skiing. Nothing says 'skiing' like giant plastic pickles and shredded Parmesan, right?" [hiccups]
"I didn't realize how bad it was 'til the bride threw it at me."
[whispered]
Disclosures...
"They said they wanted 'steampunk,' so I googled it. Gears, tentacles, balloons - I was all, 'Hey, I got this.'"
"And, boy, did I get it."
[sound of pages flipping]
Uh... ah!
[whispering]
Formal professions of guilt...
"So then I said, 'hey, you know what'd be cute? Camouflage butterflies."
"But the bride just didn't see it."
Next week... on Confessions of a Master Baker:
"So I figured, put the babies ON the carrots..."
[light behind figures fades to black]
Thanks to Jessica W., Michelle B., Melanie J., Stella P., & Natalie S. for the delicious divulgences.
*****
P.S. Quick Butterfly Chaser to remind you they CAN be super lovely:
I made this rainbow wreath for John's room using this 84-pc butterfly set, which I know you crafters are gonna love:
(3D Butterfly Wall Magnet Set)
They're double-sided and come with both magnets and stickers. Definitely browse the projects in the reviews, there are so many cool ideas - and the set is on sale right now for $9.99!
Underwhelmingly Bad Wedding Cakes
Jun. 4th, 2026 01:00 pmcakewrecks_feedYou ever see a cake and have one of those reactions like: "Ooooh, that's not good. I mean, it could be worse, I guess, but still, really not good. What was it for? ... A wedding?! OH THAT POOR BRIDE."
That's today's cakes.
They're all a bit sad...
A bit lumpy-bumpy...
A bit, "Oh. OH. Um, how... nice?"
When your wedding's "cupcake tower" looks like something you made during the slumber party for your 14th birthday:
Or when there's more wire in your wedding cake than the average 14-year-old's braces:
o.0
You know how in movies when the bad guy lets loose with a machine gun on a wall somewhere, leaving lines of bullet holes that the light shines through?
Imagine the gun shoots roses:
BAM.
(Yes, I know otherwise it's fine. JUST LET ME HAVE THIS.)
And finally, whatever you do, don't think about stretched skin.
Or parsley.
STOP IT.
Thanks to Carrie B., Deanna H., Jimena, Dawn D., Shannon, Britton E., Helen, & Pat J. for lifting our saggy, saggy spirits.
*****
P.S. Speaking of ways to prevent sagging (oh yeah, nailed that segue), this saved my butt during a long painting day recently, so I have a random product recommendation:
No Buckle No-Show Stretch Belt
This is my new favorite belt, y'all. It basically turns anything with belt loops into an elastic waist. So comfy I forget it's on, slimline so it doesn't show under my t-shirts, and NO BELT BUCKLE to dig into my belly or unbuckle for bathroom breaks. Woohoo!
You know how stretch jeans are forever sliding down when you sit or bend, so you have to keep hitching them back up? No more! I wear this with all my jeans now. It's entirely elastic, so it moves and stretches with you, zero painful digging. I HIGHLY recommend for anyone well endowed with squish in the belly area.
******
And from my other blog, Epbot:
Literally Helping
Jun. 3rd, 2026 01:00 pmcakewrecks_feedBakers, sometimes it helps to remember the 5 Ws:
Who:
What:
Er, let's try that again. What?
That's better.
When:
Where:
WHY GAWD WHY:
And then you can add an H, for "How?"
See how helpful that was?
Though next time we should probably talk about your coffee orders:
::sigh::
Thanks EXTRA Large to Lindsey M., Jessica Y., Palmerik, Sydney V., Anony M., Bil & Nadia, Frederick, and Adrian J.
*****
P.S. Here's a (hilarious) reminder that English is almost as confusing as these cakes:
Tonight At The Lucky Stardust Lounge
Jun. 2nd, 2026 01:00 pmcakewrecks_feed"You... are... so beautiful..."
"...to me."
"Thank you. Thank you very much."
[Leaning on piano]
"You... are... soooo beautiful..."
"...to meeee."
"The Goldmans, everyone! Fifty years today! Aren't they adorable?
"Can't you SEEE-EEE-EE?!?"
[sliding to front of stage on knees]
"You're... ev'ry-thing I HOPED for!"
[grimacing in pain]
"You're
EVERYTHING
I neeeeeeeeee..."
"...eeEEED!"
[winking at waitress]
"You... are... so beautiful..."
"Toooo... meeeeEEEEE."
Thank you, Nia C., Krystal C., Karen R., Julie R., Alison V., and Joshua P. Thank you so much. No, really. Thank you. Really. You're too much. Thank you. Tip your waitress!
*****
P.S. I agree, you COULD do a better job yourself. So have you tried these new silicone "piping bulbs?"
8 Pc Bulb Decorating Kit
Y'all. Go read the reviews; these things are apparently total game-changers. Easy to fill, clean, no more leaking piping bags, AND they fit all the Wilton metal tips we already have! I don't do much cake decorating these days, but I do pipe caulking for crafts, so I'm excited to try these out.
******
And from my other blog, Epbot:
(no subject)
Jun. 1st, 2026 10:56 pm![[staff profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user_staff.png){kind=small}
denise posting in ![[site community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/comm_staff.png){kind=small}
dw_maintenanceEDIT: This should be fixed as of around 7AM EDT! We *believe* everything that was stuck in the plumbing has been sent along to your journal or the comment thread it was meant for; it's definitely not where it was stuck anymore, at least.
Bad Giraffe! BAAAAD!
Jun. 1st, 2026 01:00 pmcakewrecks_feedWhen your last name is Hammer, there's really just one way to nail a baby shower cake.
And that way...
...is NOT LIKE THIS.
Aw, crap.
Still, at least everyone can get a chuckle over sh*tty "hamer"s. Imagine being the only one at a baby shower to see something wrong with this cake topper - which, incidentally, ALSO involves nailing things:
o.0
Er, look, I realize my mind's in the gutter often enough to sprout legs and start scurrying, but seriously... HOW DID THE BAKER NOT SEE THIS?
Ahem.
Quick palate cleanser: look how pretty!
(By Sweet On You Cakes)
Aaaand back to reality:
Oh, BABY.
Almost makes you long for the days of hammer logs and randy giraffes, eh?
Thanks to Elizabeth H., Emily S., & Robin D. for the capital wreckage.
*****
P.S. Something about this post reminded me of those shiny blue balls that keep your produce fresh. Have you seen these?
Blueapple Freshness Saver Balls
Just pop one in your crisper drawer and the other in your fruit bowl, and these will absorb the ethylene gas that quickens ripening, so all your fruits and veg stay fresh longer. Seems like witchcraft, I know, but go check the thousands of rave reviews: apparently they really work!
(no subject)
May. 31st, 2026 10:00 pmdenise posting in dw_maintenanceRobby has managed to put in a temporary fix for the site errors and things failing to refresh or not showing up where they should! The permanent fix is going to need Mark's experience, and unfortunately -- seriously, this literally never fails -- Mark has been on an international flight all day, because of course he has. (Never. Fails. He and I are not allowed to both take vacation at once.)
The site will work just fine with the temporary fix in place, things just might be a little slow here and there. We'll keep you updated.
(no subject)
May. 31st, 2026 08:59 pmdenise posting in dw_maintenanceRising of the Shield Hero Chapters 22 and 23: Oops, We Forgot To Have a Plot!
May. 2nd, 2026 09:49 pm![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
Story Time Sweets
May. 31st, 2026 01:00 pmcakewrecks_feedOnce Upon a Time...
...in the Kingdom of Zuu,
(By Artisan Cake Company)
lived a helpful young owl his Mom had named Huu.
Huu danced with Petunia when she did ballet,
(By Dinky Doodle)
and untangled Sloth when bars got in the way.
(By Conjurer's Kitchen)
He always had time to tie Sally's red bows,
(By Planet Cake)
and if Hedgie asked, Huu would polish his nose.
(By Debbie Does Cakes)
When Flamingos ran errands, he'd stay with their chicks,
(By Mike's Amazing Cakes)
and he made sure that George ate the greens, not the sticks.
(By Planet Cake)
Huu'd help Raffi up when he fell in a heap,
(By Sprinkles Cakes)
and he sang lullabies, to help Flo go to sleep.
(By Little Cherry Cake Co. for Cake Bomb)
He prattled with penguins,
(By Janet MacPherson Cake Craft)
he combed all the llamas,
(By Viva la Cake)
he even helped meerkats put on clean pajamas.
(By Dootsy Dora)
And after all that, our Huu still wasn't through.
On Sunday, he shared all of his Sweets with you.
Happy Sunday!
*****
P.S. I see you appreciate poetry. Might I recommend...?
I Could Pee On This, And Other Poems By Cats
This hardcover gift book costs a mere $8 and will have your friends feline fine.
*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:
A Scholarly Salute
May. 29th, 2026 03:34 pmcakewrecks_feedIt's Teacher Appreciation Month, my friends, so if you can read this, thank a teacher! (And if you can't read this, then... uh... wait. Never mind.)
Ahem.
Teachers, whether your subject is:
"Scienc"...
"managent" or "psycology"...
the "Holly Bible"...
or teaching kids their MBCs:
... you get an A+ with us.
Yes, teachers, you labor on through daily trials and temper tantrums, shaping our future generations, spreading knowledge, encouragement, and inspiration, and all for the vastly insufficient reward of that one shining, glorious phrase:
And while some of your students have already served their time:
"Class OFF, buster!"
And others have much, MUCH longer to go:
Please know that you are, without a doubt:
...the "Word's Greates."
And hey, we mean that.
Thanks to Chrissy W., Kristen C., Christy, Anony M., Amy S., Carolina D., Barbara O., & Paul V. for the teaching moment.
Testing needed in advance of code push!
May. 28th, 2026 04:10 pmdenise posting in dw_maintenanceHowever! The reason it's been so long is we kept trying to get some of the stuff that's pending to "really finished" instead of just "mostly finished", and then we once again looked around and went "oh no, this is a really big code push with a lot of changes". Those make us nervous, because while we do a lot of testing ourselves, y'all are really creative in how you use the site and we inevitably find a bunch of edge cases when we let you loose on new code with your real-world data!
So, if folks have some spare time in the next few days, it would be a huge help if you could spend half an hour or so using the site the same way you normally do but with the "Site-Wide Canary" beta features flag turned on. Canary mode is a sort of "live testing" mode: it's your real data, but running the most up-to-date code.
Canary mode always does have a few glitches -- there may be missing text strings or errors about missing database properties, which is a limitation of how we run it. We don't need to know about those, but anything else weird that you run into, leave a comment with what you were trying to do and the error message you got.
I'll repeat that the "here be dragons" caution that's on the beta features page: some things may be broken, so don't use it for when you're doing something important. But a few more eyeballs on it before the push will help the push go more smoothly for everyone.
For folks who want to concentrate on what's changing, we haven't finished the second code tour of what's going to be in this push, but the ffirst one has a good chunk of what's going to be going live. (We'll get the second half done ASAP!)
You Got It, Boss
May. 28th, 2026 01:00 pmcakewrecks_feed
Hey, Anony M., YOU'RE WELCOME.
*****
P.S. This backpack is judging us all right now, but it's so cute I'm OK with that:
Mini Owl Backpack
(It also comes in gold, purple, and pink!)
*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:
